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my blood is wine, and i believe gsus told you to drink it.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Spiral down.

We are carefully looking for that moment when one abandons the fictional character in order to discover the true one if such a thing exists.

Ferdinard: Why do you look so sad?
Marianne: Because you speak to me in words and I look at you with feelings.

I never told you I'd love you all my life.
Oh my love, you never swore to adore me all your life.
We never made promises like that,
knowing me,
knowing you.
We never thought we would be caught by love as fickle as we were.
And yet, step by step,
without a word between us, bit by bit,
feelings slipped between our merry mingle bodies and words of love rose to our naked lips.
Bit by bit lots of words of love began to mingle gently with our kisses.
How many words of love?
I never would have thought I'd always want you.
Oh my love, we never would have thought we two could live together and not get bored.
Wake up every morning and be just as surprised to be just as happy in the same bed,
desire nothing more than that oh so banal pleasure of feeling so good to be together.
And yet, step by step,
without a word between us,
bit by bit our feelings bound us tight in spite of ourselves,
bound us tight forever.
Feelings stronger than any words of love known or unknown.
Feelings so wild and so strong.
Feelings we never thought were possible before.
Don't ever promise to adore me all your life.
Let's not make promises like that
knowing me,
knowing you.
Let's keep the feeling that this love of ours,
will be short
will be sweet.

That is the basic problem.
You're waiting for me
I'm not there
I arrive
I enter the room
that's when I really start to exist for you.
But I existed before that
I had thoughts,
I may have been suffering.
So the problem is to show you alive,
thinking of me,
and at the same time,
to see me alive by virtue of that very fact.

Pierrot le Fou (1965)- Jean-Luc Godard

An image I never saw, BURNed in my memory.

23. Too young.
Typing this on MicrosoftWord,
AutoCorrect Options thinks I'm making a list.
No list needed,
#23 is reason enough.

23 years
Five of which you were consumed with poison,
addictions fed the division.
You pushed your real friends,
your remaining family away.

Only thoughts of your parents' deaths remained.
Curious how you referred to them in the present,
as if kept alive,
but they were passed.

23 years.
Last night marked thirty nights.
Thirty nights you've haunted me.
3 o'clock always brings a sudden sharp gasp for breath,
Cold sweat, Colder tears,


23 years.
The accident you, solely, survived
Epitome of alone.
The accidental sucide of an only child
No one knows.

No note to be found.
No one to leave one for.
There was no funeral.

23 years incomplete
You were too weak to continue.
Now sober, you felt everything.
The hurt stuck to you.

23 years completed
You were too strong to continue.
Determined to be with them again.
Numb at last.

23 years.
The bravest coward I've ever met.
Had a heart once beating of hope.
3 months filthy sober
Concluded the healing was over.

23 years.
Found dangling in the shower.
Hope down the drain
You were finally clean.