Spiral down.

Marianne:
We are carefully looking for that moment when one abandons the fictional character in order to discover the true one if such a thing exists.

Ferdinard: Why do you look so sad?

Marianne: Because you speak to me in words and I look at you with feelings.

Marianne:
I never told you I'd love you all my life.

Oh my love, you never swore to adore me all your life.

We never made promises like that,

knowing me,

knowing you.

We never thought we would be caught by love as fickle as we were.

And yet, step by step,

without a word between us, bit by bit,

feelings slipped between our merry mingle bodies and words of love rose to our naked lips.

Bit by bit lots of words of love began to mingle gently with our kisses.

How many words of love?

I never would have thought I'd always want you.

Oh my love, we never would have thought we two could live together and not get bored.

Wake up every morning and be just as surprised to be just as happy in the same bed,

desire nothing more than that oh so banal pleasure of feeling so good to be together.

And yet, step by step,

without a word between us,

bit by bit our feelings bound us tight in spite of ourselves,

bound us tight forever.

Feelings stronger than any words of love known or unknown.

Feelings so wild and so strong.

Feelings we never thought were possible before.

Don't ever promise to adore me all your life.

Let's not make promises like that

knowing me,

knowing you.

Let's keep the feeling that this love of ours,

will be short

will be sweet.

Ferdinard:

That is the basic problem.

You're waiting for me

I'm not there

I arrive

I enter the room

that's when I really start to exist for you.

But I existed before that

I had thoughts,

I may have been suffering.

So the problem is to show you alive,

thinking of me,

and at the same time,

to see me alive by virtue of that very fact.

Pierrot le Fou (1965)- Jean-Luc Godard

An image I never saw, BURNed in my memory.

23. Too young.
Typing this on MicrosoftWord,
AutoCorrect Options thinks I'm making a list.
No list needed,
#23 is reason enough.

23 years
Five of which you were consumed with poison,
addictions fed the division.
You pushed your real friends,
your remaining family away.

Only thoughts of your parents' deaths remained.
Curious how you referred to them in the present,
as if kept alive,
but they were passed.

23 years.
Last night marked thirty nights.
Thirty nights you've haunted me.
3 o'clock always brings a sudden sharp gasp for breath,
Cold sweat, Colder tears,
Wide-eyed,
SUICIDE!

When
did
you
die?

23 years.
The accident you, solely, survived
Epitome of alone.
The accidental sucide of an only child
No one knows.

No note to be found.
No one to leave one for.
There was no funeral.

23 years incomplete
You were too weak to continue.
Now sober, you felt everything.
The hurt stuck to you.

23 years completed
You were too strong to continue.
Determined to be with them again.
Numb at last.

23 years.
The bravest coward I've ever met.
Had a heart once beating of hope.
3 months filthy sober
Concluded the healing was over.

23 years.
Found dangling in the shower.
Hope down the drain
You were finally clean.

http://www.tudou.com/programs/view/srVkRZVliHI/

why I love her.

Just shoot.

Now that I’m still standing,

I’ve got something left to prove

Got a bullet left, but I can’t decide

Which scorpion I’m going to shoot

Will it be me, will it be you?

I will never forgive you

For what you put us kids through

Remember that night

You tried to take your own life?

When I found you

You were a shade of blue

Success is a state of mind

With a little bit of follow through

And then you failed at that, too

It’s a bad man’s world

It’s a bad man’s world

I’m a bad, bad girl

It’s a bad man’s world

Will it be me, will it be you?

-Jenny Lewis, <3<3<3<3<3

when everything is as it SHould be.

I want to feel things. Really feel them.--Frank's dream. the purest of them all.

Frank Wheeler, I think you're the most interesting person I've ever met. --the heart's fatal flaw, beating for someone else.

Knowing what you've got,
Knowing what you need,
Knowing what you can do without.
-that's inventory control.

If being crazy means living life as if it matters
then I don't mind being completely insane.

Look at us. We're just like everyone else. We've bought into the same, ridiculous delusion.

Just because you've got me safe in this little trap, you think you can bully me into feeling whatever you want me to feel!

Hopeless. Emptiness. Now you've said it. Plenty of people are onto the emptiness, but it takes real guts to see the hopelessness. --[fuck yea, John was my favorite]

Tell me the truth, Frank, remember that? We used to live by it. And you know what's so good about the truth? Everyone knows what it is however long they've lived without it. No one forgets the truth, Frank, they just get better at lying.

I wanted IN. I just wanted us to live again. For years I thought we've shared this secret that we would be wonderful in the world. I don't know exactly how, but just the possibility kept me hoping. How pathetic is that? So stupid.
To put all your hopes in a promise that was never made.
Frank knows what he wants, he found his place, he's just fine. Married, two kids, it should be enough. It is for him. And he's right; we were never special or destined for anything at all.

I don't feel anything...fuck who you'd like.--[I saw so much of myself in April]

But I don't love you...you're just some boy who made me laugh once at a party once. And now, I loathe the sight of you.

I saw a whole other future. I can't stop seeing it. --definitely cried at this part. At the end of the movie I was hoping she was reaching for a gun instead of the tubing.

Revolutionary Road really gripped me. Some of my greatest fears put on display.

April-realizing her dream, her passion in life, and being unsuccessful...incomplete.
inadvertently, she puts her failures on him...judging him for his cowardice.
trapped in a hollow life until it finally drained her of all hope.

Frank-too afraid to fail. never even giving a dream a chance. choosing the safe, right path.
a cheating husband, desperate for feeling...

John-the madman of the society...ultimately the most sane.

the love for one another was real
but it wasn't enough

lied to myself

http://www.zigzaglive.com/live/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/lucy1.jpg

The look on your face when I uttered those words
And the taste in my mouth that lingered
And when I said goodbye,
I wish I would have hugged you harder
And when I said goodbye,
I wish I would have held you closer

And no matter how hard I try to give us another chance,
I held on just a little too long
And I’m sorry I broke your heart
And I’m sorry I couldn’t give you mine
Give you mine

I could no longer bear to see you in pain
And I felt guilty when I looked into your eyes
For everything I said to you I meant it
And although I may not have lied to you,
I did worse,
Lied to myself.

So now I walk to the river
I walk to the river alone.

-LucyMichelle&theVelvetLapelles-36th

"flowers of chance"

And sometimes, people are good to each other.

When I couldn't stop crying, he did the impossible and made me smile.

Attached was a note: You are loved.

I'm usually not one to think much of flowers. On this particular day, however, they meant so much more. Hope.

Hope in people.