http://jagjaguwar.com/blog/2010/03/justin-vernon-contributes-to-anais-mitchells-new-record-hadestown/
--just a taste of "Wait for Me"...I'm yours.


I'll be making a run to zee Electric Fetus tomorrow before work.
itching for my Justin Vernon fix

no catecholamines needed.

it swirls. rushes. fills my veins. ejaculates from my ventricles. contracts in my arteries. my arterioles. i dream of my blood turning into fire. not in a scary way. arousing. i watch it pulse. bright. blinding. dilating. expanding my world. i'm alive.

i'm going to paint it.

8)

edward sharpe & the magnetic zeros--bunch of creative genies!
Dali meets Gsus meets my dreams.

Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros "Desert Song" from benjamin kutsko on Vimeo.

crayolas have that smell. i'm four again.

Road to JOyii

Rid myself of vices:
PEOPLE-even if they're good people with good intentions, ultimately if they're hurting me i need to be without.
--More specifically, no boys for awhile. i'm a user...and i get used, but it's mutual. i'm uncomfortable being treated well, and fall for the ones leading to inevitable heartache. i've been using guys for physical and emotional gratification. i believe Elizabeth Gilbert said it best: I will no longer use someone as my scratching post.
ALCOHOL-it depresses and although it helps me sleep, i still dream in red.nightmares every night.my dreams used to be an escape, a land I longed for. i aim to arrive there again someday.

Start living. REALly LIFEing.:
NO FACEBOOK-waste.
Read more-fresh, new perspectives. Journey to the end of the night at zee moment.
MAster Chess.
Learn Spanish or French OR both!!-I love french cinema and their books--mmm.
Travel more, even small road trips to visit Stout or Ashland.
Volunteer again-Family Place in St. Paul--beautiful familes:]
Paint more-fresh supply of paints. go go go.
Go to more shows-Caroline Smith & the Goodnight Sleeps-tomorrow night, Atlas Sound-next Thursday, Cloud Cult, Jeremy Messersmith-Feb. 26th, Solid Gold-March 5th, Peter Wolf Crier, Bight Club, Lookbook, The Pines (SXSW sendoff)-March 6th
Treat people good. simple concept but i've been so caught up in my sadness this past two years. i've not been the friend i once was.

my heart needs a lovedance....dance it will with pages, pawns, tildes, open miles, children smiles, acrylics, beats and beautiful people.easy/lucky/free

pennies in a wishing well.

Everything has a price. Especially those advertised as free.

One of the most meaningful investments in life is an endured relation. The cost of these friendships are sometimes too heavy. I finally found a happy new guy...he's really blindsided me, completely taking me by surprise. He'll do anything to make me smile, and is such a genuine caring fellow..no hidden agenda, but part of me can't help but retract. I need to learn from my past without letting it dictate my future. But how? The more I learn, the less I know.

Spiral down.

Marianne:
We are carefully looking for that moment when one abandons the fictional character in order to discover the true one if such a thing exists.

Ferdinard: Why do you look so sad?

Marianne: Because you speak to me in words and I look at you with feelings.

Marianne:
I never told you I'd love you all my life.

Oh my love, you never swore to adore me all your life.

We never made promises like that,

knowing me,

knowing you.

We never thought we would be caught by love as fickle as we were.

And yet, step by step,

without a word between us, bit by bit,

feelings slipped between our merry mingle bodies and words of love rose to our naked lips.

Bit by bit lots of words of love began to mingle gently with our kisses.

How many words of love?

I never would have thought I'd always want you.

Oh my love, we never would have thought we two could live together and not get bored.

Wake up every morning and be just as surprised to be just as happy in the same bed,

desire nothing more than that oh so banal pleasure of feeling so good to be together.

And yet, step by step,

without a word between us,

bit by bit our feelings bound us tight in spite of ourselves,

bound us tight forever.

Feelings stronger than any words of love known or unknown.

Feelings so wild and so strong.

Feelings we never thought were possible before.

Don't ever promise to adore me all your life.

Let's not make promises like that

knowing me,

knowing you.

Let's keep the feeling that this love of ours,

will be short

will be sweet.

Ferdinard:

That is the basic problem.

You're waiting for me

I'm not there

I arrive

I enter the room

that's when I really start to exist for you.

But I existed before that

I had thoughts,

I may have been suffering.

So the problem is to show you alive,

thinking of me,

and at the same time,

to see me alive by virtue of that very fact.

Pierrot le Fou (1965)- Jean-Luc Godard